Confusion

Hi! It is been awhile im not writing any post. I know that nobody would cares and read my blog but i feel much better to confess what inside my feeling is. 

I used to be a prince where is not real but literally. Everyone loves and adores me when i was a little kid. I was surround with my fellow friends who really nice with me. And most important role that support my sweet dream is my beloved mom. 

I am kind of grateful and proud because i used to have mom who can consider as perfect. Well as people said nobody is perfect but i guess she is perfect. 

She was pretty woman with sophisticated taste on fashion. Also she kind of cool mom. 

Every mom would scold their kids or maybe some of them might get annoyed with their own kids. But my mom never. 

She always been there for me when i got tease. Yeah i forgot to tell my school life turns fucked up when i was standard one because i transfered from private kindergarten to public elementary school. 

Literally im not demand person but kids at there kind of having narrow minded unlike i used to surround with. 

I still remember when i was teased by other boys, my mom would be there for me to protect and give support to me. She used to said well other boys might be jealous of u because u are better than them. 

She also ONLY the person who appreacite whatever i gave to her. From handmade till purchase item, she would used it and sometime she was braging about it with her friends.

I still remember when i gave her a piece of handkerchief that i bought from teacher lounge for mother day, she really love it and used them till the end. I mean the end of her life.

She told everyone that her handkerchief really meant to her. 

Until now if i gave someone present nobody will ever ever appreacite what i gave to them like my mom used to be. 

The reason i bring this issue tonight because i feel tasteless about my latest achievement which is ANC award. Yes i got ANC. 

Award that makes me happy, confident,sad and almost killing me. Also, i tried as best as i can to get this stuff not for my me or even my useless family now but for my mom. 

I made promise to her when i really upset yet inspired me to get best performance on my acedemic since that day. The day where we called as hari kecermelangan. 

At that day, i accidently came into school where i should not. Then,  saw alot of parents came together with their kids who got excellent acedemic. 

And at that time i imagined if im one of them. 

Now finally i got it. But i feel insatiable yet . Also tasteless. Because i cant share this moment with my mom. 

The rest of family kimd of does not care. Especially my dad. And im kind of sad becayse my mom not be there for me now. Wish i can stay with my mom.