Silent

I do not know why sometimes when i sit around by myself and keep thinking , I really hope i can be like my ex-roomate. He is full of charisma person and talkative and boys tenderly wants to be like him. As i reads in articles state that kids who have good communication with thier parents are tenderly to be charisma person. The statistics really true i guess since i become like this because i do not know have a good communication with my dad. When my mom were alive everyday she will ask me how my day at school, what i want to eat and when i gave her present on her birthday and Mother’s day she will really appreaciete it although it just handkerchief.


She also not just my mom who protect me and doing chores but she is my bestfriend . She really good responder , listener and sometimes she gave me advice when i have difficulties on homework or study. She is kinda multipurpose woman where sometimes she do all things no matter men’s work or woman’s work at once. One time she handles decoration during Hari Raya by herself since my dad at work while my sister at boarding school. She can doing anything by herself and not depends on people. I really wants to be like her

Since my mom passed away, I do not feel the terms “family” enough. I tried for myself to accept the this as my new family but i just accept this as “new changes” . It does not mean i hate them but i am very shy person and it is hard for me to get used with new people. Sometimes when i went vacation with other family, i really hope that i can have my own family where i don t put boundaries with, where i can freee to talk and exposed what i mean and like.

I just get noticed my brother- in - law will took leave when i am gone or get back in university life and go to vacation. I think maybe i love to interrupt his family. If i have choice i would rather to stay away, but i feel comfortable around my second sister where we shares secret together and we love to confess what we feel everyday as we do not have people who loves to cares, understand and listen to our problem. I really hope that my sister have her own home since i feel sorry about her life. She must get used to live with many people in one house with her children and if i were shoes, i cant imagine how. She should manage her children and chores at same time with work. She do not have privacy enough.

I wrote all this not for put blame on people but i want free to express my feelings since i am full of secrets plus nobody cares what i want to talk to. If i open my mouth, people tends to ignore and some mean people are really do not care or believe what i said so thats why i decided to keep my mouth shut.