Hopeless

Lately, i feel there is something wrong with myself especially if i have a lot of bad pressure around me. Sometime I kind of feel levitating with happiness and I can change my feeling on seconds. 

Yesterday, I suddenly feel touch when I looked upon my nephew then I cried in front of him, then suddenly, that sadness turns into madness which I scold my other nephew in seconds. 

Then after I scold him, I turns into someone happy which I laughed so hard and feel energetic. I was turning up music really loud at car and singing along with my nephew.

I noticed these feelings when i fought with my dad. He literally accused me with something that i did not. I knew he is not someone who always make a big deal and I guess it is from third party that he turns that way.

I suddenly defend myself that i did not do and i suddenly mad at him. I was smashing a cup of coffee while i was walking at street in order to heal my anger which i always used. 

Then, that evening i feel so levitating with happiness and scream happily and dancing hile my sister watch me. She is literally kind of shock cause i behaved that way. 

I guess maybe i am tired enough to acting perfect all the time and need to obey other people order. Sometime i just wish i can ran away from everybody and follow my mom instead.